Personalised, handmade memorialisation.
Ways to keep the memory of our people alive
One concern we often hear is the fear of forgetting our loved ones over time.
The way they look, their voice, what made them them. Their uniqueness, quirks, pleasures and annoyances, even. Memorialisation helps keep their presence real through keepsakes, photos, jewellery, and rituals that bring them back to life in our minds, memories, and current experiences.
There isn't a perfect way we can advise. What makes it perfect is what is right for you, your family and friends. So take some time and consider what makes them them, what means the world to you about them, and ways you can include them in your everyday moments, special occasions and family events.
At a celebration of life, friends and family gather to honour and remember a loved one’s special life. A person’s hobbies, skills, passions, occupation and charming personality traits can inform a unique tribute to a special life. Why not keep these alive for much longer?
Not sure where to start?
Who were they? What did they represent, love, and stand for?
These are some of the key questions to ask about the person.
- What made them who they were?
- What are they remembered for, and why?
- Music they loved, movies or shows they loved.
- What they find funny and quirky.
- What were their passion topics, words of wisdom, and favourite sayings?
- Pet hates that will always be remembered, and at times still be teased about?
- What would they do, no matter how inconvenient or crazy it seemed to others?
- Secret interests, or ones they surrendered years ago to build a life of purpose and care?
- Who were they as a teenager, a young adult, and in early career?
- What family secrets or mischief did they get up to?
- Non-negotiable. Their try-hard, no-compromise stances, sayings, and way of doing things, especially the ones that may not make sense, making it even more unique to them.
Do different people have different references to this person that could be included to create a collective memorialisation?
Especially if Care homes are looking for ways to remember their community members over the years.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy, but finding a way to memorialise them can make the transition to life without them a little easier
Jewellery
A cremation ring looks like any other piece of jewellery, except that it contains a very special secret. Inside a hidden compartment, a small amount of ashes is stored and sealed forever. This could be the ideal gift for someone who has recently cremated their loved one.
While making jewellery from ashes is a specialised art best purchased, there are many other ideas, including items of personal interest, to incorporate into jewellery. You can purchase photo lockets and necklaces, or a modern version: projection photos in necklaces, rings or bracelets.
Engrave their favourite inspirational saying or life message onto a locket or charms
Gardening, Plants and a Seat
If you move around, then consider potted plants of significance. Include a small amount of ashes in the soil, and allow the plant to become a living extension of your loved one.
Consider whether the plants can be transported easily and cared for in different spaces.
Not quite like Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe, more aligned for those who love gardening, plants, nature and being outdoors.
A memorial garden or communal garden works well in community spaces such as Aged Care, Retirement, and shared homes, where many people can be remembered over time.
Similar to memorial gardens in cemeteries, where there is a place for the individual, a space for the family and friends to gather and reflect, and add to it. A collection of potted or planted plants, flowers, herbs and seasonal trees, each being symbolic of the person, their character, or their favourites.
The location, path, and plants could be named, even including a photo or details of the person.
Hand-paint rocks, add quotes or love words onto them.
Add a bench, or a few, named after people. Make the space inviting with shelter, solar fairy lights, QR codes with stories about the person being remembered.
Include a few ornaments, plaques, quotes, or stories to personalise the spaces even more.
Consider who will care for and maintain the space, and how.
Sewing projects
Personally, I love this idea. Maybe because I used to sew in my early days, and remembering the pleasure it gave me to wear a creation was good.
The other big reason I love it is ... what is more personal than one's clothes or blankets that were only theirs and that they wore all the time? You know what I mean. Those jeans, shirt, tie, hoodie, scarf or jacket in winter- that is unilaterally 'them!'
These types of memories can be created in the craft group and given to the family when completed as a shared memory token from care centres to families.
There are several possible ideas that come to mind
- turn a cluster of ties into a cushion cover.
- favourite shirts into cushion covers, keeping the pocket - hold another keepsake and buttons to access another item of value.
- jeans into a handbag or carry all.
- shirts into memory bears, coffin liners,
- wool jumpers into felted animals, or tokens.
- shirts, skirts, jeans, etc into a patchwork blanket, rug or wall art.
- favourite blanket/s into a winter jacket, cot or kids' blankets; patchwork art
- have clothes modified to fit you
Christmas, birthday, wedding and other important days ornaments;
- Cover foam or wooden moulds with fabric and secure with stitching, glue and ribbons.
- Keepsake hearts,
- memory and signature teddy bears,
- photo frames
- placeholders, napkins
- Convert grandparent and parent clothes into heirlooms for christenings, naming ceremonies, or other family milestones.
Communal or Family Keepsakes
What I love about these ideas is how they can tie communities, friends and families to together. Shared interests, special moments.
- Cookbooks with a collection of everyone's favourites included.
- Book of poems and important life quotes or sayings that were 'theirs'.
- Decoupage of photos, activity flyers, ticket stubs, menus, program details, etc, collecting a range of shared interests, adventures and people who lived in the shared space for a given period of time.
- Resident's gallery
- Music playlist of their collective favourites.
- Memory boxes for each child, grandchild, and best friend. A simple timber box, with items of shared history between them. Adventures, favourite cafe, toys, memories, items of interest, etc.
- Create a montage of their favourite playlist, songs, books, movies, and social media videos etc.
Rituals - things on repeat that anchor and just feel right.
Memorialisation rituals are structured habits and actions that remind us of the people we love, the places we hold fondly, and many other important things.
They generally combine cues, the time of year, and the seasons. Sounds, smells, locations, activities, family events, and moments shared.
Continuing rituals after their passing can be challenging and downright painful, though over time they can become comforting, as those moments become immortal to us.
Rituals can involve continuing shared routines.
That coffee in the morning, that cafe, with that playlist. It's what you did together, and it meant something then, and continues to mean something now.
The way home, what is done on different days of the week.
The order of things: steps taken for a particular outcome or at gatherings. Preparation in a particular way, each reminding us of the person, the activity and what was shared.
Family rituals or, as a group, the order of things. Who does what, when, how, and where.
Gifting to charities or supporting local community groups that means something to you both.
Lighting candles or leaving lights on.
Touching or finger-kissing their photo on set days or thoughts.
Beyond the ordinary
Personalisation is invaluable. Making things unique to the relationship means so much more. Reflect on what you did and shared with others, and start collecting now, before the inevitable happens.
Especially if you have not yet had grandchildren.
What would you like to be remembered for at this time in your life?
Your interests, skills, passions?
Inspirations, lost opportunities and the lessons learnt along life's journey.
What do you want to be remembered for, in your eulogy, on your deathbed, and when the final party is shared?