Grief takes time to navigate, but the amount of time is personal to you.  For some, it can be reasonably 'quick'; for others, the escape from its depths may not seem possible.  In our world, where quick fixes and emotions are to be avoided, dirty laundry is still encouraged to be aired in private, or not at all; permitting yourself to ride Grief's wave for some feels impossible.  

From my readings and witnessing grief caused by many different events, the take-home message is one of being gentle with yourself, permitting yourself to navigate it in your way and time, but seeking help when the overwhelm and depth become too great to bear.  

Many support lines are available, including text-only, in-person, phone, and FaceTime.  The organisations have adapted to suit their audience - you, the one needing to express, be supported in a way that works best for your emotional and mental state. 

The idea that time is the greatest healer is a myth.  

Time doesn't heal; it creates distance and can help close gaps in memory recall, but it doesn't remove the event from memory or, at times, the depth of pain associated with grief.  

What heals over time is the process of coming to terms, accepting and allowing all that is and what was, coming to peace, and acknowledging the emotions and reactions that occasionally arise. Give them space to move through with mindfulness practices so they can come and go without lingering any more than is necessary for their processing. 

Learn coping skills and strategies that help you navigate the memories, feelings, and new experiences.  Ask for help, I know, is one of the hardest things to do when consumed with ongoing grief, pain, and challenges, but it does make a difference.  Being heard and validated, and knowing you are not alone in the journey, can open the door to a more manageable way of moving through.  

Reach out to support groups with trained facilitators. These groups, or others who have experienced similar situations, can help you feel normal and, therefore, safer being yourself at the various stages you are in.  

Above all, know you are experiencing normal reactions and responses to an extremely difficult situation. You are not inadequate, inferior, or anything less than. You are having a very human experience of the loss of someone so very important to you, and at times, that someone is yourself. 

People often say at funerals, ‘If you need anything, just let me know.’ While this is usually well-meaning, it does place the responsibility for asking for help on the bereaved person. If you want to help, be specific in your offer. Of course, how exactly you can help will depend on the individual.

Grief can be exhausting, and the bereaved person may appreciate some relief from daily tasks, e.g. cooking, childcare and shopping. You may want to offer to help with paperwork, as there can be a lot to sort through after a death, which can feel overwhelming.  Download the Gather My Crew app and start suggesting what needs doing, so the people in the Crew Team (friends and family who sign up to help) know what is needed, and they can claim the task to do. 

 Practical assistance like this can be a good way of demonstrating that you are there for them. Actions often speak louder than words, and when the funeral is over, and for a long time afterwards, bereaved people may need and appreciate both practical help and emotional support.