Whether the funeral is large or small, it’s helpful to know what to bring to avoid feeling uncomfortable. You may wish to bring the following:

• Flowers

• Charity donation

• A story or memory of the deceased

• Sympathy card

• Sunglasses or an umbrella

• Guestbook (if you are the organiser)

If there is a wake after the funeral service, you may ask the family if catering is provided. If there isn’t, you could make a dish for the wake.

2. What to Wear to a Funeral 

Traditionally, black is the most commonly worn colour due to its sombre nature and association with mourning. Men typically wear dark-coloured suits with collared shirts, black ties, and formal shoes. Women usually opt for dark-coloured dresses or suits, with smart shoes and jackets if required.

Guests are generally expected to dress in smart attire and avoid casual clothing such as jeans, hoodies, and trainers. The most important thing is to be comfortable and dress for the weather. Churches and cemeteries can be very cold in the winter.

However, when celebrating life in different ways, you may be asked to wear a specific colour associated with the deceased's sporting team, symbol, or favourite thing. Other popular requests are to come in a theme that acknowledges their hobby or passion. To avoid mishaps, consult the family organising the funeral or dress neutrally.

3. Who Can Attend a Funeral 

A funeral service is usually open to anyone unless the family has stated it is a private ceremony. The funeral service is typically an opportunity for loved ones, friends and those who knew the person to say goodbye. However, family dynamics and challenges may cause tension. At times, it may be appropriate to have a closed, private funeral for close family and friends, and a more open one for others.  Consider who is likely to come, and if there could be issues. If the funeral details have been publicly shared, you may also take guidance from these

4. What to Say at a Funeral 

Though you may find it uncomfortable to say something to the family of the deceased at a funeral, it is always appropriate to extend your sympathy for the family’s loss.

5. WHERE TO SIT AT A FUNERAL

At a funeral, the immediate family and close friends sit in the first few rows, and the remaining seats are filled. 

In a large church or hall, sit closer to the front to support the family and ensure you can hear the clergy. 

6.  SHOULD YOU SEND FLOWERS BEFORE OR AFTER A FUNERAL?

A sympathy letter should pay tribute to the deceased's life and support the bereaved when they need it most; they may even save the letter and read it again in years to come.

HOW TO WRITE A CONDOLENCE LETTER

Writing the letter by hand is much more personal than typing it or buying a sympathy card from a shop, though you may wish to buy a card and put the letter inside. The letter can be addressed to a single bereaved person or the family as a whole.

2. KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE

You don’t have to write a long letter, as long as it is sincere. We all worry about saying the wrong thing and making the bereaved even more upset, but showing that you care in just a few simple words is better than saying nothing at all.

 Put yourself in the grieving person's shoes and think about what you would like to hear in the same situation. Whilst you cannot take away a person’s pain, they will take comfort in knowing that you are thinking of them during such a difficult time.

3. EXPRESS YOUR CONDOLENCES

Try not to dwell on how the person passed away. Instead, acknowledge the loss and express your condolences sincerely.

Here are just a few examples:

I want you to know that I am sorry for your loss

It is with great sadness that I learned about the passing of…

I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of…

4. SHARE A MEMORY

Sharing a fond memory of the deceased may bring happiness to the bereaved. They may find it helpful to hear new stories about their loved one and to learn that their loved one positively affected the lives of others.

5. OFFER YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT

If you are able and willing to offer your help and support in the coming weeks or months, please include this in the letter. The person is much more likely to accept a specific offer of assistance, such as doing a weekly shop, but please don't make promises you cannot keep.

6. CLOSE THE LETTER WITH SOME THOUGHTFUL WORDS

When closing the letter, try to think of a few thoughtful words that show your affection and support for the bereaved.

Here are just a few examples:

My love and thoughts are with you

With my affection and deepest condolences

My sincere sympathy

EXAMPLES OF SYMPATHY LETTERS 

Writing to the family of a work colleague, 

I am writing on behalf of all [name’s] friends at [name of organisation] to express our sympathy for your sad loss. [Name] was a valued team member and contributed to the organisation in many ways. Besides being an excellent worker, [he or she] was always good-humoured and considerate towards [his or her] colleagues.

[He or she] often spoke affectionately of [his or her] family. [Name] will be sadly missed by everyone at work. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Writing to the family of a person you didn't know well.

I was sorry to hear of your recent bereavement. Although I did not know [name] well, on the occasions when we met, [he or she] was always kind and considerate. Please accept my sympathy for your sad loss.

The family that has lost a child

I was very upset to hear of your loss. [Name] was such a lovely [child or person] and will be dreadfully missed. If there is anything [I or we] can do, [I am or we are] only a phone call away.

To a neighbour or close friend, 

Although we have spoken recently, I wanted to write to you to say how sorry I am for your loss. [Name] was so special that no words are adequate. [He or she] brought pleasure to everyone [he or she] met and will be sadly missed. People tell me how much they value [name’s] friendship. I am always here to talk if you would like. I’ll get in touch soon to see if I can be of any help.